#2 - Watch out for that dog poo

Sometimes I genuinely feel like I operate in a world that’s simply not the same as the one everyone else seems to be living in. Maybe after this week’s newsletter you can all tell me that everyone does what I’m about to detail.

Dog poo.

I have two kids, one a pre-teen, one starting out at school. Ever since becoming a parent, and having one and then two kids in tow, the way I walk around has changed dramatically for the worse.  I see dog poo everywhere - and the impact it can have on my life has tripled.

Watch out for that dog poo.

This is what I say, much to the amusement and annoyance of my wife. My smallest child I can help navigate around these obnoxious obstructions, a gentle hand pull here and there all that’s needed to swerve the unwanted street furniture. My eldest, known to not listen even without a single distraction in play, needs more. So I end up making myself into a talking road sign, pointing and shouting to warn of the execrable excrement as much as physically possible without installing neon lights.

Did you miss that dog poo?

Maybe you don’t let such things bother you as much as they do me, but I’ve been walking a lot recently (partly to get a little fitter, partly because I have no job and otherwise I’d be sat at home writing about dog poo or something) and I’ve noticed how bad things have got. In some parts of the town I live, you can barely take a few steps before another detestable dump stinks into view. 

Late at night this week I got to thinking about one particular Turd-tarnished tatterdemalion street that I walk down every weekday. This street, in an area we almost moved to, in a town not the best in the county but certainly in the top half, is littered. I couldn’t stop thinking about the people who live on the road, waking up each morning, getting ready for work or school, then walking out the door to be greeted by yet another messy mound.

Scoop that poop.

No doubt some of the residents, with pride in their homes and neighbourhood, didn’t take kindly to this. Who hasn’t used a conveniently stored old bagel bag to grab and dispose of someone else’s dog’s doo doo? I’m sure for a while these people did just that, cleaning up after others for the betterment of everyone.

Poop after poop after poop.

There’s only so much you can do, though. Only so many times you can walk out your door and do the job that someone else was too selfish to do. So the poo piles up. I mean, not literally as I don’t think dogs tend to poo on top of existing poo, but you get the point. There’s currently so much poo on this road that I’m planning a new walking route. It’s a shame as I liked this route.

Sometimes you just need to admit that things have gone to shit.

Gaming Copilot is coming to current-gen Xbox consoles. This was inevitable given Microsoft’s AI push and its roll-out across other devices, so I’m not really shocked or even convinced it’s a move that was hastened by Asha Sharma, the new EVP and CEO, Microsoft Gaming who happened to be President of the CoreAI division in her prior role. The ball has been rolling along in this direction for years.

Still, I don’t want it on my Xbox, pulling the work of other people to present guides to games I’m playing. I honestly don’t think the majority of people at Xbox want this, either. They wake up, get ready for work, walk out the front door, and try to do the best they can. We’re all trying. Sadly it’s starting to feel like that simply isn’t enough.

As I type this, Nvidia’s DLSS 5 has been revealed, the new version promising more realistic visuals but observationally is making characters appear as though they’ve been run through a yassified Snapchat filter alongside drastically altered lighting. My fear is that there’s only so much hand-holding we can do, only so much guidance we can give, until everyone is stepping in it.

So many boots will need a thorough clean up.

This newsletter isn’t entirely about dog poo and video games (I have other interests too). I’ll have a think about some other bits and pieces and round them up in the quick reviews below. I’m a critic, too, you see.

Things I can review:

• Materialists (Sky Cinema/Now TV): Forgive me for not being intellectual enough, but I didn’t enjoy Past Lives, Celine Song’s directorial debut. I found more to like in Materialists, a sort of Romantic Dramedy, but also watched the end credits wondering what this film had to say beyond the most startlingly obvious bullet points about love and relationships. I quite liked the performances of the three leads, though, despite what critics said about them. 2 stretchy Pedro Pascals out of 5 Nicolas Cage super fans.
• The Killer (Netflix): Quite why it’s taken me two and a half years to watch this Fincher thriller, I don’t know, but now I have I can confidently say I enjoyed it. One of the few films I’ve watched recently during which I wasn’t reaching for my phone. Fassbender is perfect as the hitman, and the clean-up/revenge story is far more exciting than what happens when I screw up in the IO games (hide). 60 BPM/80 BPM.
• Mini Cheddars Red Leicester (shops): Nothing new about this, but having eaten far too many of them recently I felt compelled to let everyone know just how much better these are than the classic variety. Stronger in flavour and saltier, there’s no going back once you’ve gone to the red side. 5 Dr Edward "Fitz" Fitzgeralds out of 5 Will Grahams.