#9 - Celebrate good times

This past Bank Holiday weekend in the UK was supposed to be about celebrating being married to my wife for 14 years. We don’t buy into gifting and putting on a big song and dance, but a couple of nice meals out in Brighton, a bit of wandering the lanes, perhaps a nice coffee when the kids become so unruly a break is needed, and some delicious fudge from Roly’s. But, despite best laid plans and some gorgeous weather leading up to Saturday, the skies turned grey and we cancelled. No fun trudging around town with two kids and four coats. It was time for plan B.

Obviously children don’t take kindly to change, and my daughter was quite furious our short trip on a train was no longer happening. After what felt like an eternity of moaning we placated her somehow (I can’t remember how exactly, but it was likely a bribe) and planned activities for the rest of the weekend.

First up, on Sunday, was a trip to the local National Trust. They were running an Alice in Wonderland trail, which sounded like it would offer enough to keep whingeing at bay. We bought some meal deals for a picnic and off we went. A white peacock had decided to greet everyone on the roof of the entrance, which did feel rather unintentionally Lewis Carroll. All was going well, then, until it wasn’t.

A peaceful walk around the gardens and lake turned into something out of Fast and Furious, with two kids (estimated ages 6 and 8) blazing around the paths on scooters. I’d never been so outraged at a National Trust in my life. I gave the children’s parents a sideways but stern look to show my displeasure that I’m 100% sure they didn’t notice, and said to my wife that I’d write an email to the site’s manager to inform them of said outrage, which I’m yet to do. Other than this, it was a great afternoon, although another peacock was terrorizing the Mad Hatter’s tea party.

The main event of the long weekend was a visit to Leeds Castle. We had tickets already and had planned to meet my brother and family. On arrival I reminisced with my wife about the time a button on my shorts popped off and landed in the filthy bowl of one of the public toilets near the entrance. To be clear, I did not make any attempt to retrieve it, but did have to spend the next six or so hours constantly worried I’d accidentally expose myself. What would the geese think?

Leeds Castle is also the site where my son was attacked by a swan. A year or so back, in front of the castle itself where the ducks, geese, and swans gather, he was giving some approved gift-shop-bought feed to the ducks, only for a giant Mute Swan to approach him from the side, clearly with jealousy in its mind. Wanting in on the feeding session, this swan wrapped its beak around my son’s arm, in a moment witnesses have since breathlessly labelled “Jaws but with a swan, beside a lake”. There's a sound recording of my son's scream, captured on the bird song app my wife was using, but I'm not mean enough to put that on the internet, despite the passage of time now revealing it to be hilarious. I'm a good parent, honest!

Luckily only a minor mark was made by the swan's razor sharp beak, and my son was happy to return, wearing his miniscule scar as a badge of bravery. This time was going to be different. Nothing bad was going to happen.

As we neared the front of the queue, we readied our digital tickets, only to make a horrific discovery. They had expired! What we’d foreseen as a relatively cheap day out was about to turn into a gut wrenching expense. To make matters worse, we’d fumbled around at the front of the queue so much, figuring out we didn’t have a ticket, that I almost got into a heated argument with a volunteering pensioner who was telling us to go to the back of the queue. But no, this trip was going to be better, so I remained calm and walked compliantly to the back of the queue.

After finally buying a ticket my wife attached my visitor wrist band to my arm. It was far too tight, had pinched about 40 hairs, and I feared it might be slowing blood circulation… but no, it was fine. This trip was going to be better.

And it was. We had a lovely picnic near a stream, the kids played, and I ate crisps. We saw loads of goslings, and no one was attacked by any animals (that I saw, anyway). We played mini-golf, my five-year-old beating two secondary-school age kids thanks to some creative accounting. We ate delicious ice cream. We played in the castle playground. Toys were bought from the gift shop, one of which my daughter now sleeps with. A great time was had by everyone.

We say our goodbyes as we tiredly make our way to the car, 10,000 steps on my watch’s pedometer. As we’re pulling away my phone rings. It’s my sister-in-law. What is this about, I wonder to myself.

“Did you see that?” she asks, a hubbub of noise and excitement in the background.

“No,” I say. “Are you OK?”

“I fell into a hole,” she says.

“Do you need any help?” my wife encourages me to ask, my mind still stuck on the what and how of the situation.

“No, I’m out now.”

Better add that to the memory bank alongside the button down the toilet and swan attack. We were so close to having a major-incident-free day.

Speaking of holes… I’ve fallen down a Pragmata-shaped one. I hadn’t read any of the reviews, only knowing the basics and what had been said on social media, and I’ve had a really great time with it. Capcom has the juice, so to speak. I’m not sure I am as desperate for a sequel as everyone else seems to be, but I enjoyed playing something new without having many preconceived notions about it going in. Have you gone big on anything recently?

This newsletter isn’t entirely a diary of my life with a splash of video game chat thrown in (I have other interests too). I’ll have a think about some other bits and pieces and round them up in the quick reviews below. I’m a critic, too, you see.

Things I can review:

• Wuthering Heights 2026 (Sky/Now TV): I don’t know if it’s because my expectations for this new interpretation of Wuthering Heights had been set so low by its critical mauling, but I thought Emerald Fennell’s film was rather excellent. The film looks incredible, which may well do a lot of the heavy lifting, but the performances were brilliant, and the whole thing wasn’t nearly as debauched as I’d been led to believe - not that there aren’t moments. Special shout out to Martin Clunes, who stole every scene he was in. 4 oddly caressed smashed eggs out of 5 radical adaptations.
• Don’t Look Up (Netflix): Yes, this film about the end of the world is depressing, and its satire hits rather close to reality, but it features some top-tier performances from the main cast. DiCaprio is brilliant as a scientist thrust into the limelight, but Jennifer Lawrence’s portrayal of a PHD student who simply can’t believe the way senior figures are acting is the standout. We’ve all had to listen to complete bullshit from people who should know better, and her performance perfectly captures that mix of anger and disbelief. 4 Bruce Willis space missions out of 5 Aerosmith bangers.
• Video games (consoles, PCs, phones, TV): I hadn’t really touched a video game for about eight weeks. My career and life were so tied to them that when I lost my job I sort of just didn’t want to look at them. No interest whatsoever. But that all changed this last week. I thoroughly enjoyed Pragmata and PS5 exclusive Saros is starting to give me that “one more go” itch that needs to be scratched. I’m sorry I was away for so long, video games. I’m back now. 5 Capcom smashes out of 5 PS5 showpieces.